If you’re wondering why there’s no soul
behind my glassy glaucous eyes,
it’s because I’m utterly unsatisfied.
I’ve looked down the barrel of my life
and seen only the mundanity of cages and walls.
And ever since, I feel like I’m barely here,
just a faint wind,
fleeting morning mist,
a cloud of warm breath
exhaled in the dead of winter.
Don’t do too little or too much. Do just enough.
Make the best friends you’ve ever had, then leave for the summer.
Wrap your brain around every flaw in your body.
Wrap your heart around every wide-eyed boy you see.
Lose yourself in hazel eyes and guitar strings.
Panic. Panic. Panic.
Unleash your pent up pain in a string of perfectly edited text messages.
Beg. Beg. Beg.
Nurse your broken heart with vodka, The O.C., and strangers.
Wrap your heart around the next boy you see.
Follow him around like a lost puppy.
Give up your dreams for a steady paycheck and computer screens.
Give. Give. Give.
Crack your skull and pour out its innards like an egg.
Complain. Complain. Complain.
Guard your vulnerability with your life, but wear your negativity on your sleeve.
Give up your steady paycheck for loneliness.
Stay in and brew social anxiety.
Imagine your shoulders popping out of their sockets.
Get insomnia and forget how to swallow.
Crave anything that makes you feel again.
Regret. Regret. Regret.
I think you are having a different sort of heartbreak. Maybe a kind of heartbreak of being in the world when you don’t know how to be. […] Everyone has that moment, I think, that moment something so…momentous happens that it rips your very being into small pieces. And then you have to stop. For a long time, you gather your pieces. And it takes such a very long time, not to fit them back together, but to assemble them in a new way, not necessarily a better way. More, a way you can live with until you know for certain that this piece should go there, and that one there.
from Girl in Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow
Girl in Pieces was hard for me to read, but I couldn’t put it down. I related to Charlie—in small ways. She reminded me a lot of my younger self. Her mindset. How she felt about and treated herself. How she let other people treat her. The things she thought she deserved. I think that’s why I had overwhelming empathy for her. My heart broke for her. I cried every time I sat down to read this book. I wanted to dive into the page and help her in the same way I want to dive into my past and help my younger self.
I still feel like I have pieces of that younger self in me. But reading this made me realize how far I’ve come as I grow into a more confident, self-loving, self-respecting woman. Continue reading How Girl in Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow Helped Me Recognize My Personal Growth & Healing